What Does It Mean To Be Sexy?

BRiYA Article Blog Post - What Does It Mean To Be Sexy?

“Sexy” in the modern day, 21st century, mass media consumption sense of the word is something that’s been on my mind lately. I figure it’s probably because I haven’t been feeling very “sexy.”

Turning the TV on is like walking headfirst into a sexy war zone. Within minutes, commercials and popular series bombard me with images of tall, sexy women with big beautiful lips and thick, lustrous hair. It’s not hard to compare what I see in the mirror to what I see in the media.

Back in my day, my many gentlemen (and not-so-gentlemen) callers considered me a sexy young woman. In my 20s I would walk into a bar and easily attract interest. Lately, I haven’t felt that rush of confidence when I look in the mirror, so I asked myself: “Why don’t I feel sexy?”

To start, attracting a mate or a date is not even close to where my focus lies. Instead, I’m spending hours a day, everyday, thinking about and working on building a new business. I’m not exerting any excess outward energy into trying to exude sexiness because I’m using that energy elsewhere.

What is sexual energy?

Sexual energy comes from our sacral chakra, which is the energy source that lies just below our belly button. Surprisingly, sacral energy is utilized for more than attracting mates or gaining approval; it consists of a powerful energy that spawns creation.

The sacral chakra allows us to experience and feel pleasure, which in today’s society is usually associated with sexual pleasure. But pleasure can be so much more. It can be joy and laughter or the sensuality of slowly eating a moist, rich chocolate cake (which for some of you, moist is also a sexual trigger word).

But the point is, that the primitive energy you feel near, but not quite in, your nether-regions isn’t always sexual energy, it’s sacral energy. It’s energy used for creativity, for pleasure, for emotions. And lately I’ve been harnessing my sacral energy to create.

I’ve been writing songs on the ‘ukulele, devising and producing a one-woman show, and developing a business. As a result, I’ve been devoting all my energy and mental capacities to art and entrepreneurship.

Being a single woman, there’s not the distraction of a needy boyfriend to get in the way. I don’t hear my biological clock ticking away like time-bomb, alerting me of future barrenness, so I feel free to explore and play right now without needing to attract a mate. Once I get my career going, then I’ll look into dating again. But right now, independence is the most attractive thing to me.

Maybe I’m being sexy in a lot of different, less obvious ways.

Does sexiness decrease with age?

I also came across the truth that as I get older I feel less outwardly attractive. I recently turned 31 and I’m starting to understand what people meant about age and gravity. My wrinkles hesitate and take a breather before they’re ready to slowly fade, even after the smile is gone; the perkiness and rotundity of my formerly shapely butt seem to have mildly flattened out and dropped a few centimeters south; my thighs grow bigger every time I look down, and sometimes I have to readjust my hip inclination to find that strangely desirable thigh gap; and I’ve empirically learned what cellulite is.

Watching my body age has forced me to look at myself, and life, differently. I am no longer that perky 20-something year old with boundless energy and a need for approval. I’m much more laid back with inner approval. My obvious attractiveness has become a little more subtle.

The effort to create outer beauty and exude sexuality no longer feels sustainable. I found that the quest to be seen and noticed all the time is draining and unfulfilling. I prefer to use my precious energy elsewhere. Now, I can lounge around my house in loose-fit pajamas pants that don’t strangle my slightly sagging booty. I’m perfectly comfortable going a day or two without seeing anyone or getting noticed. And overall, I’m considerably happier.

Confidence is sexy.

The media trains us to view women as objects. Reading the magazines and watching the movies has led us to believe that sex appeal is rooted in our bodies. However, I’m learning that being “sexy” is more than that. It’s confidence. It’s knowing who you are and not being afraid to show that to the world. Sexiness is about honoring yourself and respecting your body, no matter what anyone else says or thinks. It’s choosing to stand up for your beliefs even if you’re the only one holding the megaphone.

“Sexy” is a feeling, not a look. I’ve seen women who are overweight who looked and felt sexy. It’s time we broke the mirror and the paradigm by stopping the criticism of our bodies. We no longer have to accept what the media is force-feeding us about what beautiful and sexy should look like.

A woman with a good heart who treats people with respect and loves herself—I can’t think of anything sexier than that.


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